Change You Can Count On.

No, I'm not talking about Obama, or any other presidential hopeful, I am talking about God. He is forever changing and forever the same. A wise friend of mine told me last night that "God rarely lets us sit in a place of comfort too long." That made the wheels of thought start to spin.

I sat tonight worshiping with our church community, and it just overwhelmed me with the amount of change that has happened in my life over the last couple months. I walked off my job of four years, this in of itself was a hard decision, but it was a healthy one. I took four weeks off work where I just basked in the presence of God and share awesome time with him. I was able to meet up with old friends and just enjoyed the time loving one another. I was absolutely totally continent in the relationship I had with Jesus and I completely understood what it meant to have your cup running over.

I was so comfortable being alone I freely talked about it with my married friends, I loved being the third wheel, it didn't bother me. Why would it bother me, I have God I don't need anyone else? The a switch was flipped. I am not sure of the date it happened although I know in the later part of March Jenn and I argued about what "she is looking for in a partner," and both of us apparently walked away from the argument a little hurt and I guess somewhat confused. We were going to take a "time out," this is what Jenn and I do and have done once in awhile when the arguments were big. I guess I had recognized feelings for her then I didn't want. I didn't want them for two reasons. First I was completely satisfied with Jesus alone and didn't need a woman to make me feel loved. Secondly, because Jenn was my friend and I didn't want our friendship ruined over silly feelings I was having.

Leaha, Jenn's awesome roommate, called this time "our break up," and when Jenn told her it was me she was talking to she said "I thought you guys broke up?" This was easily laughed off, as I think the two of us had done plenty of times up to this point. Jenn is an amazing person, she fights tooth and nail for the things she believes in. She has a huge heart for "the least of these," a heart of which I saw early on and freely spoke to her about. Jenn might come across as abrasive or even mean. She tries to make people think she is a hard ass, but she isn't. She is all bark, no bite. She is one of the most amazingly beautiful people I have ever been blessed with in my life.

The hardest thing I have ever had to face was God answering prayers in such rapid succession. Some of the struggles God has helped me with I cannot share on a public forum as they just are not appropriate subject matters for all people. Some of the subjects such as a wife, the person God has put in your life for a reason way beyond your personal needs and desires. I have been blessed by seeing a purpose way beyond my own selfish needs and a purpose that is going to take a lot of work but being given a small glimpse of a huge picture sustains my complete and udder fear of this path God is laying before me...and Jenn.

She Makes Me...

So This Girl Likes To Argue.

And so do I. More accurately I love to debate, discuss, I love a little banter back and forth, and I found that in my friend Jenn.

Her and I have spent the last seven months or so hashing out everything from Justified use of force vs. non-violence at all cost, the rampant but ignored racism in the country, US foreign policy (not sure why we never discussed Canadian foreign policy, but maybe they don't have one) which I like to call imperialism, boy issues, girl issues, trust issues.

We have discussed every aspect of our lives up until this point. She has been that safe friend which I have been able to talk to and be totally honest with as I felt, "well hell, what do I have to loose, chances of us meeting in person are slim to none." We do not live in the same community, share the same friends, I eat meat, she doesn't. She has just been that one female friend who was safe, never moving into territory which friends don't move into and God has and continues to use her in my life to help me grow in immeasurable ways.

She is one of the smartest people I know, she lives by her convictions, she is strong willed, funny, passionate, beautiful, and all around amazing. I have been nothing short of blessed by our friendship. Her roommate Leaha has kind of been that teasing little sister I never had, but very fun. I love my friend Jenn in all the "being blessed by a sister in Jesus" type ways and that's all it was...until about 3 weeks ago or so.

Well somewhere around there, maybe longer, I am not sure, all I know is something shifted in our relationship. A light went on, if you will, and all of the sudden my sister in Jesus who I loved arguing with and I talked to each other in a different tone of voice. There was something there that at first neither of us could put a finger on, then neither of us wanted to name it, then we named it.

I will write more about this nameless thing that has developed out of 7 long months of debating, tension, and developing relationship later on. For now though see what she has to say about it.

Ok, So I Took My Break.

I took a break, decided to refocus, take time out to just be satisfied with God and the relationship I am blessed to have with Him.

I have a lot to write about, a lot to share, and don't know where to start. I guess if you go check out Jenn's blog it will give you a good reference point as to what I am talking about here.

It have been deliberating with her on a focus point of this blog and have decided that social justice issues, resources for such subjects and blogs and organizations whom do the work to help the least of these will be the focus of this blog.

I have a measure of person information to share here, though this entry will not be the time. God has brought me into a new and exciting stage of life, has grown a relationship to a point I never could have imagined on my own, and formed a partnership that is by all accounts strong.

Season Ending.

Nope, not talking about college basketball or any other sport, I am talking about my blog. I have let this blog thing affect me in a negative way and to be quite frank, it's time for me to do the right thing.

I have successfully argued with friends, pointed out the negative, tried to show my intelligence (key word tried), pissed people off, hurt peoples feelings, and just straight up not let it be a totally positive avenue for me.

So I guess this is good bye to the people I have met through blogging and I will try to pray for you when I remember.

What In The World...

Is going on with me? Ever been taught one thing only to grow up and find out that maybe that thing you have been taught is not exactly the way it is? Well that is what I have been going through.

It's been like a year and a half since I attended an established "church" and have been part of a community of believers who are just trying to figure out life together, trying to help one another, and trying to further the Kingdom. Admittedly I have been rather hostile towards my friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, who still attend a "traditional church."

I have found it difficult to describe "where I go to church," and when I do I usually get a reaction along the lines of "oh you go to a home church?" Well no not really and to be quite frank I it irks me to no end to be pigeon holed into the home church category. My friend Mike wrote a blog that has impressed me still, more than a week later, giving what we a do a satisfactory definition.

He says: "Naturally, both phrases - "alternative to church" and "alternative church" demand a little bit of context in order for the idea in my head to make any sense. For the past seven years, our community has acted primarily as an alternative for people that have, for one reason or another, grown weary of church-as-we've-known it in a North American context." You can read more of this post here.

Since titles seem to be so important to define people, communities, or organizations in this culture, I really enjoy being called an "alternative church." Being defined by a man made definition is something my good friend and I talk about, at great length, last night an I attend to blog about it, but it is a blog worth it's own attention.

So tell me what man made traditions define you?

Redemption And Sadness.

I have had a rather interesting couple of days. I spent yesterday afternoon and evening with a new friend who is angry with God. She was raised catholic and when her dad died when she was 18 she blamed God and could not understand why He would allow that. She asked me many questions last night regarding God, besides why would He allow hurt, why do some get what seems to be a free ride in life? I cannot those answer questions, in fact I really don't have the answers to much anymore. Part of my journey in the last couple of years has been taking everything I had ever learned, questioning it, looking for the scriptural backing, only to realize that we don't have all the answers. What I do know is that I am supposed to be a follower of Jesus.

Jesus said we are "to have faith like a child," simple faith. if you have had the joy of being around children they ask questions, but yet they have this confidence of life that we seem to lose as adults. I know the Bible does not give us the answers to all the mysteries of eternity, but I do know that Jesus lead a life that was an example of how we can live as humans. Love God and love our neighbors seem to be the most basic of teachings, yet in this society very hard to do. I don't have all the answers, I do however have faith, faith that God exists and is the loving Father we all need. I can look back on my life and I can see the proof of God's protective hand all over the story of my life to this point.

It was tough talking with my friend in many aspects, the hurt and sadness was so evident on the outside and so recognizable as I have experienced these emotions in the past. While the answer seems so easy as it rolls off your tongue, it is the follow through that is difficult as a human.

Today I ran into a friend from the church I used to attend. A friend who I did, at one point have a solid relationship with. A few months back this friend had made a comment on my blog which hurt me. I did not respond to the comment as I believed nothing fruitful would have come out of my mouth. As I approached the Starbucks where he and a few of the youth from the church were sitting, he gave me a huge hug.

There is something redeeming about letting go of hurt. He is a great guy, someone who tries with all his heart to love the youth and people in the congregation of the church I used to attend. There has never been a question in my mind the reasons why he is a pastor, why he chooses this line of work. I look forward to taking him up on his offer to "hangout soon," as I do miss some of the conversations he and I used to have.

Redemption and sadness. Redemption by letting go of hurt, sadness by seeing the hurt in someone else. there is something very special when God allows us to see this first hand, again just the evidence of our Father being there throughout my life. Please keep my friend in your prayers as she has experienced so much hurt, yet is so hungry for God.

An Unsettling Feeling In My Gut...

Is exactly what I had as I watched this documentary. I watched in total shame to know I live under a government who will stoop to the level that they have to "obtain information."

I am not someone who says "I hate America," in fact I know I am fortunate to be an American on many levels. I also understand that no government is perfect, no political system is perfect, and Marxism only works on paper.

"The film focuses around the controversial death in custody of an Afghan taxi driver named Dilawar.[2] Dilawar was beaten to death by American soldiers while being held in extrajudicial detention at the Bagram Air Base.
Taxi to the Dark Side also goes on to examine America's policy on torture and interrogation in general, specifically the CIA's use of torture and their research into sensory deprivation. There is description of the opposition to the use of torture from its political and military opponents, as well as the defence of such methods; the attempts by Congress to uphold the standards of the Geneva Convention forbidding torture; and the popularisation of the use of torture techniques in shows such as 24." read more here.

This movie brings the reality of injustice to a very personal level as you learn about an innocent man named Dilawar who is murdered while being detained in U.S. custody. The movies website is here where you can see trailers and learn a little more about the filmmakers and the story. I hope that policies on torture change, I hope that how we a supposed "christian nation," can be held to a higher standard of how we treat people.

I encourage everyone to see this academy award winning documentary. Although it has images in it that are very graphic and disturbing, I believe the truth is sometimes take in.

Love, Another Four Letter Word.

Love is something I don't understand, I don't really think anyone "gets it," but I know how I have misused it. I come to this subject not by chance but by conversation, one I have inadvertently put myself in the middle of without one half the party knowing it.

My good friend Jenn was asked by her roommate Leaha to write about love. Honestly I don't know anyone who is in my demographic as responsible with the unusually large heart that God has given her than Jenn. I told Jenn I would write from my perspective and she is writing from hers.

I have loved one girl in my life. One girl. I have liked many girls, and I have let my emotions get the best of me often causing more damage than good when all is said and done. It was not love though, I know this. I learned two things about love out of my relationship with Margaret. 1) You grow in love, you don't fall in love and 2) I didn't realize what I had until it was gone.

H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) once said "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." I'm not sure who H.L. Mencken was but I just liked the joke and wanted to sound smart, but I think this person was on to something. I believe that the type of romantic love I was seeking may very well be just that, a fantasy. I wanted to be the knight in shining armour riding in on my stallion to rescue some damsel in distress. It might not be a stretch to say most women have this fantasy as well or at least the picket fence. So I am left but with one option, to learn from those who have more experience then me.

I know that through God I have the ability to love. I don't think that is in our nature to love others, but it is a gift from God. With that being said, I have chosen to take a more realistic approach on love, to not be careless or reckless with my heart or the heart of any woman God puts in my life. So my goal you ask? To one day grow in love with a woman who shares the same desires, world view, and view of God that I have. To have a best friend, not just someone to love, but someone who is going to be there through the thick and thin.

That is a responsibility that will take humility and being able to say "I'm wrong," "I'm sorry," and "I love you."

Noises From The Past

As I spoke with my friend Jenn on the phone this evening something dawned on me that I have yet to share on this blog. Jenn explained how she commutes to and from work on the "Sky Train," which is part of Vancouver's mass transit system. Every few minutes I would hear a polite tone signaling passengers that a stop was nearing or the doors were opening or closing. I am not sure which the tone indicated but I could hear it over the phone. This is not why I'm writing though.

I often sit outside when I am on the phone for no other reason than I can because the weather is usually quite nice this time of year here in south Florida. As Jenn and I were talking about her commute, then into politics which is our normal phone conversation, I heard a train horn in the distance sound off in the cool night breeze. I was creeped out, but this is not new.

I grew up in a very poor part of Ontario California. There was the main police department and fire station 1, one block to the west, two sets of train tracks two blocks to the south, and we lived under the take off or landing pattern for Ontario International Airport. Needless to say noise was something I grew up with and to this day I have a difficult time sleeping with complete silence.

The sound of a fire truck's sirens, the extremely loud reverse thrust of a jet liner landing, and traffic on the street are all sounds that bring some sort of comfort when I hear them. But a train is different.

The low frequency rumble of a passing train and the excessively loud horn are among the most disturbing sounds for me. It sends a chill up my spine and mentally disrupts me in ways that are just not normal.

I am sure there is some deep rooted childhood connection to it all, something that has been connected to an event or series of events psychologically that I cannot figure out. It bothers me and is somewhat embarrassing to even admit. The only thing I can compare the absurdity of it to is someone being afraid of clowns.

Do you have odd fears that affect you in an abnormal way that you don't like talking about?

Online Dating Series #1

I have decided to commit to a mini-series on online dating and the experiences I have had and invite you to share yours. Both good and bad.

I am going to do this in regressive order for a reason. My experience is only my experience and I believe every ones is unique.

I tried Eharmony and the tried it again. I tried it again because they were offering me a three month membership for the price of one. I tried it. no luck. I decided to cancel to make sure they didn't charge me again.

Details are. I cancelled my Eharmony membership. Received an email immediately from them saying "we have a match for you." then within five minutes this "match" who was stunningly beautiful and was a civil engineer in Miami was requesting open communication. This is not usually heard of, as going through the process really helps weed people out.

Here is how it went,


Gennifer,
Writing to someone you have never met or talked to before,I think its extremely difficult. Take this message for instance,I had all the words in my head but could not seem to put a coherent sentence together, was going to start with hello, hi there , whats up lol...... or hey, how are you today??... but it just seemed too blunt for me so I went with Hey!. Anyway I will get to the pulse of it all.I saw your profile , thought to send you a mail . feel free to take a look at my profile, let me know what you think. Let me tell you a secret , My name is geni...lol. love to get a reply from you .Get Busy

Shawn,
Hey it's nice to meet you. I actually just decided to cancel Eharmony. Feel free to email me at ***********@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Peace, Shawn

Gennifer,
thanks i just reply you on my email anyway

Shawn,
Hey I am not sure if you have emailed me on my email or not, but I did not receive it if you did. Anywho I hope your day is going well, I had a long stressful day at work as usual. We are short staffed at work so the work load seems a bit overwhelming at times. I am a bit tired otherwise this would have been a little more well thought out and possibly a little bit deeper than it is. I hope all is well and I look forward to hearing from you. God bless, Shawn

Gennifer,
Time for the hard part. Here we go: I have a good balance between my intensity and silliness, I appreciate irony.Smart but humble. A friend of mine once said I had a built-in b.s. detector that never fails. And it registered that she was telling the truth,of course. I am a self-confident, goal-oriented business woman.im an optimistist,extrovert, playful, hard working, devoted,intelligent, trusting, genuine, honest, sincere, witty and easy going. I'm very passionate in all areas of my life. I have a very open mind for trying new things. I believe in being a devoted hubby and a family woman.should I find the person again someday who appreciates this quality,i`ll pamper and cherish him.I involve in volunteers and charity,I am very responsible and try to eat right, work out to stay in shape and live a healthy life. I stay active and have a good time doing it.Great communication is a must,Devotion is one of it but I cannot express that enough. What I look for first is having a friendship, trust, and intimate interaction. I believe in a healthy relationship,we should compliment and inspire each other and be each others best friend,with these our relationship has realistic expectations and open communication. I really value honesty and trust. That's what I'm all about. For the relationship to become serious, chemistry is important. It's okay if we don't agree on certain issues,that is where we learn to compromise.I've learned to never hold things inside,I should be able to communicate well with you in every aspect of life physically,emotionally,finacially,etc and getting parallel with you and you should be willing also to do to me.I also think it's important to understand and accept each others strengths and weaknesses. It is important to have a lot of communication along with passion, romance talks, a mental connection, a playful attitude, with lots and lots of laughter. I am looking for someone who has a positive outlook on life, optimistic, intelligent, honest, caring, and knows when to be playful and flirtatious,you can always make understand your mood because it matters alot. So if you want to get intimate and have a good time, and eventually take it to the next level. We may have a connection.I love to experience life to its fullest, I travel to my parents vacation properties near Lake Travis, Lake of the Ozarks, Tucson and in other countries where i have full access to here @ home,in europe and africa. Other things I enjoy are going for drives with the top down, dinner out with friends entertaining and dancing& listening to music at home. I'm all for listening, learning and growing together. I`lld enjoy quality time chatting,but also have a very active life doing things with friends and day to day schedules..though i wont mind if .I am a Christian and Church is a part of my life so it is important to me,i attend church often.I'm running out & signing off soon. I must tell you am for real am not for games and i`ve been honest in what ever i`ve said to you.i want to know much about you and i am very happy we got a connection...life is good& fine with me over here..how is life treating you overthere ?

She Said, He Said.

Shawn:Yo

Jenn: hey

Jenn: sorry I'm multi-tasking - cooking and cleaning at my parents house

Shawn: feel free to stop by my house anytime you please

I Love This Joke.

OK, so my friend Lori told me this joke last week and I started cracking up at Starbucks over this joke. At our Sunday common meal "Church" thing, I told the joke and it was very uncomfortable to sit there and have odd looks given to you. My friend Brant thought it was hilarious and laughed and laughed. he got the joke and then he blogged about it and recorded the joke as typing it would do no justice. So here it is in all it's glory.

Whatever!!!

Would you like to know why this is titled "Whatever!!!" It's quite simple actually. I happen to really like using the word/term "Whatever" for whatever reason. I think I can use it for whatever. Do you like that word/term? It's cool if you don't...whatever.

It's Catch Up Time.

Lunar Eclipse from last week

Smile!

Strange Neighbor

A Beautiful Butterfly