Bringing Work Home.

Or bringing home to work is something I try hard not to do. I thought I would do it today though and share a picture of what cancer on the conjunctiva and cornea looks like. I took this picture today, not sure the lady really understood what was wrong.

I have found that to be true a lot lately, to not recognize the amount of problems in our own lives, only to have someone in the wings sitting by seeing it all along. This has been true even in my own life. I have had a hell of a couple months. I have been wounded pretty bad, scarred deep, and confused. I have also been in contact with the only two other women I have had a long term relationship with at some point. I consider more than a year long term. I had not talked to Margaret in three years when we talked in August. I had not talked to Kristie, the girl I moved here to Florida with, in four years. We live ten minutes apart and have never run into one another.

She emailed me Sunday, out of the blue, and it shocked me. We settled on meeting up for a beer Monday night and caught up and also said things that both of us needed to say that had never been said. It was good, it was not uncomfortable at all and I enjoyed hanging out. I also was at peace in regards to any unanswered questions. I can say with all honesty I know that I have two new friends, people who are familiar, yet so very different in other aspects. I do not desire to have anything other than a friendship, I don't think they do either, which has opened a door to having new friends. Both have said very kind things that have really touched my heart, both have needed someone to be kind to them, both had been through a lot of rough things in the last few years.

It was good for me also to see a certain trend in myself with these people and with recent events. A trend that I know God will use, but I have to learn to get out of the way and let God be God and do what He needs to do. I have been in the medical field since I was 18. I have not really done well at any other job I have tried outside of it and Gd has really hooked me up with an awesome skill and understanding. I like to fix broken things. It is part of the nature of people in the medical field, we are care givers, we are wired to help people. I am sure there are those who can attest to the fact I have much more patients for patience than I do outside of work. Why that is I do not know.

So learning a lesson, a long, long, long painful lesson that God has given me the heart, the compassion, the drive to help those who seem to need a lot of help. I have to remember, it is not me that can fix them, only God can, but I can sure let them know they are loved along the way. I guess I cannot fault her for what has happened, I guess I have been screwed up and possibly screwed up people along the way as well, but I can sure try and not do it again. So, up go the walls of security, the walls of skepticism not in a way that says I will not let you in, but in a way that say I have a heart to guard for a woman who is going to handle it with care, thoughtful loving care. Do I know who that woman is? Maybe, maybe I do and maybe that is a part that just hasn't let go of the idea of who someone is...